Half way over with this week , yesturday i had an overload of hormones and it seemed that everything i read , heard or did ticked me off. I blame hormones , the bitchyness was shooting out of me like a canon ! This morning i woke up relaxed and happy without the noise of the construction , crazy how waking up in a certain way can affect your whole day and mood . Being pregnant has me dealing with hormones in a way i never thought possible , i'm not dangerous but i annoy myself sometimes and when i do i sit back and think oh my goodness my poor family who has to put up with it . Good thing is no one has ever been pregnant forever and someday i'll get rid of this annoying rage and hormonal rollercoaster and be myself again until then i try to tame myself and find ways to not take it out on people...
I wanted to adress something , i know alot of my readers are family and its public so even my ex's can read this and i want them all to know , if i speak of something going on in my life , do not take it personnally as this blog is my journal and i will not hide or keep back on anything i have to get out , it's my therapy , my way out... I have issues with my ex just like any other seperated mom , i have issues with in-laws just like anyone in a relationship , i have issues with my parents and my siblings just like any other sister or daughter that has a family , i have issues with friends just like anyone else who has friendships and i have feeling just like every other human being on this earth and getting them out and speaking my mind is my way of letting go and moving on ... I won't name names , i won't bash people and i will not dish out my problems without adressing that i reconise my faults with the situation. But please respect this area of my life and understand that i'm not trying to hurt anyone , i'm only trying to heal myself ...
So that being said , if ever you feel like my blog is too much for you or that you feel the finger is pointed at you PLEASE come to me in private about it ... One of the reasons i made this blog was to show people that i'm human , i hurt, i love , i cry and i have things that need release and writting is my way .I'm saying this because everytime i do post an entry to my blog i publish it on my facebook and thats where my family and friends get to access it...
As an example , when i got pregnant with this baby ... i was TERRIFIED to tell my family and inlaws about it so instead of facing them and having to deal with the bad comments and opinions that would hurt and stress me out , i decided i would write an e-mail to my loved ones and explain to them why i emailed them instead of speaking to them face to face and what i wanted from the whole situation... I knew that no one was going to be SUPER happy about it and i knew i would get deception from alot of them , so i explained that when i got pregnant at 16 i expected people to be shocked and sad and i accepted the emotions and opinions that everyone had about me being too young etc... But i also explained that even though i was young , i did it and i got through it and i was the best mom i could be to that little baby boy . When i got pregnant with my 2nd , my side of the family had a hard time with it , my mom and my boyfriend at the time did not get along and she was worried for me and i accepted it and today i can say i did it , i got through it and i was and still am the best mom i can be for that little girl.The 3rd same issues , things happend fast my inlaws were so excited because we were giving them another grandchild and it had been 13 years since they last had a baby around but my family wasnt too excited about it since me and my boyfriend were not dating very long and i had 2 other kids to care for and everything was still new.... 4th pregnancy , Everyone was devastated ... Im sure the reaction could of been worst but it was heartbreaking for me because i was the one getting pregnant by suprise and having to deal with my own fears , my own worrys and my own feeling and now i had to deal with everyone's feelings , worrys and fears , i felt like the worl was on my shoulders. So when i got pregnant by suprise this time , i said to myself Screw this i'm not gonna carry anyone elses worrys , fears or feelings on my shoulders this time , i am gonna email them the news and tell them how i trully feel and ill make this short and so i explained how i felt everytime i got pregnant in the past and how their opinions, comments and reactions affect me and how this was not good for me or the baby that they stressed me out and this time i was going to let them carry their feelings about it on their own ... I told them that for ONCE in my life , i wanted to feel free of stress and not have to deal with their hurtful comments like '' Oh no not again !'' or '' I thought the last baby was enough for you to handle'' or even have a certain someone say at the hospital that the reason why i was screaming or yelling during my last labor was because i was too young for this... when the real truth was its' childbirth , yes i am young but ive done it before and every experience is different so back off!... Anyways i told them all that if they wanted to say their opinion they either had to suck it up and that id rather them lie and say congrats instead of dealing with the comments again ... That For ONCE i wanted to feel what it was like for people to trust me and know that even though it wasnt planned , that i got this and that im great at it and for them to be happy for ME and stop thinking of themselves and how they felt for a change...
It worked , even though some of the people still give me the cold shoulder when i speak about the baby or my pregnancy but this pregnancy has made me realise that my bullshit tolerence level is ZERO and if i dont like something , ill say it and if i think someone is out of line, ill put them in line ...and that If i have a choice to make about my life or my situation , ILL be the one who takes it NO ONE else will affect my decisions . I'm a big girl , ive been through this 4 times already and if you count my miscarages , i think im used to this and i can do this.... and people not being suportive of me and my choice is just as bad and just the same as telling me im a bad mom or a bad person... So if ever you feel like my blog is speaking about you , it might be and it might not but the truth is , deal with it . Deal with it because this is MY way of dealing with it ... and stop paranoying about '' oh someone is gonna know i did something or think bad of me '' RELAX , no one knows who you are on here and if you cant do the time then dont do the crime... if you did something that hurt me , im gonna talk about it , if you step all over me , im gonna talk about it ... i wont mention names , i wont call you names but i will let it out.
Alright , wow that was a long post lollll....
Let's start this day and let the sun shine and happiness flow through , you only have ONE life to live so its best to make it worth it and everything you want it to be. this is my release and my blog is my therapy ....
xoxox
Martine
I'm a stay at home mom with 4 kids and one more on the way. Fallow me as i walk through the joys and troubles of motherhood and my family with a walk in my shoes
There is nothing wrong with being a young mom. I know quite a few young moms that are having atleast 3 or 4 children now a days. I think society needs to change its stereo types. My children have it better then probably some parents in there 30s and 40s. I would have had one or two more children if I wouldnt have almost died with the third. That was my sign that we were done. I always thought I would have my kids farther apart to like 5 years apart but now they are all only 2 years apart and they are like best of friends. As long as you are taking care of your kids and yourself nobody has the right to say anything to you. Your kids love you and that is all that matters
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